January 21, 2021

What Do Your Sexual Fantasies Say About You?

Sexual fantasies… we all have them! Even if some may be ashamed or shy to admit it. In actuality, having sexual fantasies is completely normal and healthy. In fact, it’s a great way to unleash your creativity, passion, and lust. After all, our brains are arguably the most powerful organ.

But had you ever wondered why you have certain sexual fantasies? Where do they actually stem from? And does having a specific sexual fantasy actually mean that you want to experience it in real life?

Stay tuned for a little glimpse into the psychology of sexual fantasies, and what your sexual fantasies may say about you...

You see, the things that we fantasise about or enjoy in the bedroom aren’t merely a way to experience sexual gratification. There are much larger ideas in play, psychologically, and often our sexual fantasies are an indication of deeper psychological needs.

To explore this, we indulged in the work and studies of Justin J. Lehmiller Ph.D. This well-known sex educator surveyed over 4,000 Americans to find out what their top sexual fantasies are. But he didn’t just stop there. He delved even deeper to connect the dots, studying the personalities and sexual histories of his participants.

So, let’s take a look at some of his sexual fantasies examples and what they might indicate about one’s psychological needs and wants…

3 Sexual Fantasy Examples and What They Possibly Say About You!

1. Group Sex

In one aspect, he found that 89 percent of the people in his study had, at least once, experienced erotic fantasises about group sex. But this didn’t actually mean that the participants had engaged in group sex. It did strongly indicate however that many of these individuals were seeking to be desired, to feel sexually irresistible, and sexually competent.

He reached this conclusion by noting that the participants were often the centre of attention during a group sex fantasy. And when one can sexually satisfy multiple people, a feeling of sexual validation that their bedroom skills are impressive can be reached.

2. Romantic Connection

In another sexual fantasy example, those who often fantasised about romantic trysts were most likely looking for an outlet to feel connection and love. Perhaps they were seeking a romantic relationship or were currently unsatisfied with their partner and the connection that they share.

3. BDSM Fantasies

And what about a BDSM sex fantasy? Lehmiller’s research showed that often BDSM-enthusiasts, especially those who were interested in submissiveness and masochism, too were looking for a sense of approval and desire, which could be brought about by their bodies, abilities, or sexy lingerie accessories.

He also noted that this kind of sexual activity allowed the submissive and masochist to engage in mindfulness by escaping the anxieties of everyday life while focusing solely on the sexual acts and stimulation.

Having said that, what do your sexual fantasies say about you?

With these sexual fantasies examples, there’s a strong link between the kinds of sexual fantasies we have and the psychological needs that we, consciously or subconsciously, are looking to fulfill.

Which is why most people’s most common sexual fantasies often change or develop over time. Especially during the pandemic where research showed that people are noticing a change in how and what they fantasise about.

Sexual Fantasy During the Pandemic

In the aforementioned study, here are the most popular sexual fantasies that have been recorded during the pandemic:

41 percent noted that their most common sexual fantasy has changed
39 percent fantasised about previous sexual encounters
35 percent fantasised more about emotional needs rather than those sexual in nature
29 percent fantasised about breaking lockdown rules to have sex
23 percent fantasised about more about an ex than before COVID-19
3 percent fantasised about COVID-19 items, like masks and gloves

This study also brought light to how fantasies have changed focus for some from explicit sexual content to more emotional and connection-based fantasies, such as kissing and touching.

No Sexual Fantasies?

On the opposite side of the spectrum, is it possible that some individuals don’t have any sexual fantasies at all? Well, it’s highly unlikely with 97 percent of a study revealing that they do get whisked away by sexual fantasies.

The remaining 3 percent? Well, interestingly, it could be a case of aphantasia, which is when one is unable to conjure up mental images—sexual or other.

As for the 97 percent of dreamers and sexual fantasy seekers, you may be intrigued to learn about their most common sexual fantasies...

In seven categories, research confirmed that these are the most common sexual fantasies:

Multipartner sex, like threesomes, orgies, or gangbangs
Power, control, or rough sex, like BDSM practices
Adventure and variety, like outdoor sex or embracing the unknown
Consensual non-monogamy, like cuckolding or being given their partner’s blessing to be with another partner
Taboo sex, like foot fetishes or voyeurism
Romance, like romantic gestures
Flexible erotic fantasies, like gender bending or sexual fluidity

Of course these seven categories are not mutually exclusive, and they simply shed light on the most predominant sexual fantasies. The results are also based on social media users in the U.S. so aren’t exactly an accurate representation worldwide.

It’s also important to note that having sexual fantasies does not directly mean that you want to experience them in real life. Most fantasies are just that… a fantasy! And there’s absolutely no reason to be afraid or guilty about your fantasies!

To end off, you may find it interesting to know the most common female fantasy, based movie sex scenes, is from the film, The Notebook—more specifically, the iconic scene where Noah and Allie kiss in the rain.

Some other favourites included the films: Secretary, Titanic, Fifty Shades of Grey, Cruel Intentions, Blue is the Warmest Colour, Brokeback Mountain, Pretty Woman, and Dirty Dancing exploring the universe of women's sexual fantasies.