Ghosting: what it is, how to know if you've been a victim and how to get over it
They're not replying to your messages, they've left you on read for no reason and you're not sure how to get past it. Relax, you'll feel differently after this post.
Everything was going well. You were talking everyday and even managed to meet up, when everything you spoke about via message finally came to fruition. Fast forward a bit and the latest is that you've been left on read with a blue double tick ready to remind you every time you open the chat. This phenomenon has a name; it's called ghosting and it's more common than you think.
Ghosting: what is it?
Let's start with the etymology of the word: ghosting, from "ghost". Whether they scare you or not I'll leave up to you, but what's certain is that they disappear like some kind of phantom, leaving no trace (or any kind of sheet) behind them.
Ghosting is a practice that's becoming more and more common, where one of two people who have been chatting for a while (via social media, instant messaging or even over the phone) stops replying and showing signs of life...at least to the second person, anyway. Puffff! They're gone. The best case scenario is that they block you, which gives you a hint, but they never give any explanation. Other times they'll leave you on read (you'll see they've been online or you'll have the dreaded blue double tick) and even upload stories to their profile. But as for you, they won't utter a single word. In other words, it looks something like this:
At this point, you may still be doubting the possibility that you've been ghosted. After all, how the heck could it happen to you?! The ghoster has a real cheek (even though you've never seen their cheeks), but self-conviction is a powerful thing and your brain will look to excuse them in whatever way it can. So let's find out here and now whether you really are a victim of ghosting or not. Start the test below:
1. Have you ever seen the person you think is ghosting you?
- No, we didn't manage to meet. They gave me excuse after excuse.
- No, we haven't talked about it.
- Yes, we met up.
2. Open the chat. Is the last message yours?
- No, theirs.
- Yes, and they've been online.
- Yes, but it's not delivered. It's on one tick.
3. When you paid them a compliment...
- They gave me one back and that was that.
- They thanked me and we went on to chat about other things.
- They said "hahaha" or sent me an emoji.
4. Have they ever sent you a forwarded message?
- No, never.
- Yes, but you know, the typical "Happy New Year" or chain messages.
- Yes, even messages that could very well have been for me.
5. You think you've been ghosted because...
- My messages aren't delivering, although I can still see their profile picture, so I guess I haven't been blocked.
- Everything was fine but it's been days since I've had a reply and they're still uploading stories and going online.
- It's been hours since they replied.
Total your responses using the values at the end of this post.
If you scored 5–6: relax! Some people aren't glued to their phone 24/7. Give it a few days and then do the test again.
If you scored 7–10: Be patient, technology, time and responsibilities may be getting in the way of your relationship. There's probably an explanation, although they don't seem in much of a hurry to talk to you about it.
If you scored 11–15: not even Casper is that much of a ghost! You've. Been. Ghosted.
How to get past it
Ghosting can be overcome with self-love; nothing more, nothing less. Have they stopped messaging you overnight for no reason? You don't need someone like that in your life. Is it all excuse after excuse? You're not being made a priority? You don't need someone like that in your life. Have you been blocked? Hmm…that's the way the cookie crumbles with that kind of person, I'm afraid. Do you really need them in your life? No. I repeat: you don't need someone like that in your life.
It's hard to practise what you preach, and talk is definitely cheap. So how do you nurture self-love? Hmmm, how about loving yourself, taking care of yourself, treating yourself and the odd orgasm...? In other words: CLITHERAPY. Yes, it does what it says on the tin: therapy focussed on the clit and the pleasure we feel when its 8,000 nerve endings work in our favour.
The best revenge is a good orgasm. They're done getting to know you, huh? Well, the feeling's mutual. Empower your body and show how all that sexting and swiping has made your fingers well-trained for pleasure.
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