The word sex has been interpreted in so many different ways depending on the era, the science that studies it or the glasses through which it has been looked at, that sometimes it is complicated to understand what we mean by it.
Definition of sex according to the dictionary.
"Sex" as a term, is collected in this way. Which leads us to qualify and emphasize that, obviously, it has many ways of being understood and, as you will be able to see, sex education is conspicuous by its absence:
Organic condition that distinguishes males from females. "Persons of both sexes": Definition that puts us in the glasses of those who see sex as biological. Animal. What distinguishes us. But... this only puts us in the genitalia. no?
Set of individuals who share this same organic condition. "The charms of the female sex".
○ the weaker sex (or the fair sex) Women.
○ the stronger sex (or the ugly sex) Men.
Weak sex? Strong sex? Well yes, even if your head explodes reading this... the reality is that STILL, this second option is collected as the definition of sex.
This definition puts us in drawers, it orders us, but this time not only through our genitals... also under the umbrella of negative connotations that do nothing but slow down the progress we have been able to obtain as a society through feminisms or sex education.
Sexual or reproductive organs, especially the external organs of a person. "In Western cultures, it is considered indecent to have one's sex uncovered": In this third option it is not even necessary to point out where the distinction is made, because it literally alludes, once again, to the genitals. As if we were just that, or at least, as if our sex was only placed there.
Set of activities and behaviors related to sexual pleasure. She has not practiced sex since her husband died": "Ojo... que la oración de ejemplo se las trae las..., pero no vamos vamos a entrar en esto, sino que vamos a quedarse con el cuarto matiz que hace alusión a que sexo es lo que hacemos. The set of activities and behaviors...
So... what is sex?
As you can see, all these definitions, do nothing more than generate us messes. And more questions than answers, but it does not leave us clear evidence of what it IS, because at all times it talks about genitals.
As if sex were synonymous with genitals. Of vulva or penis. And as if only with that we could distinguish ourselves or interact. That is, as if the sex we are were either a penis or a vulva, and the sex we do what we do with that penis or that vulva.
This leaves us with 90% of our body unnoticed, as if our sexuality, our pleasure, our feelings, was only in our genitals. How sad...!
Sex with sex education
For us, the sex we are is different from the sex we do, but not under the umbrella of the previous definitions. And although to some extent they are linked to each other because both make up the sum of the individual, of who you are and what you do with who you are, they can be differentiated to better understand each other.
Definition of the sex we are
The sex we are is the result of all the biological and psychological phases of our life. That is to say: the sum of everything that has happened to us, that we have thought, felt, lived or experienced... that has built us as individuals.
An identity that depends a lot on how it was built and where it was built. It depends on the environment and the context, even on what has happened to us. So it depends a lot on the society in which you have grown up, your family, your relationships, how you have learned to manage your emotions and what happens to you, and also what you think. Because your thoughts are also part of who you are.
This definition, contrary to what is stated in official definition, encompasses us from head to toe. Because the sex that you are, is you. Your whole being and, obviously, your whole body. Everything you represent, think and feel at every moment.
Definition of the sex we do
The sex we have is about sharing. Of that give and take with the other. It speaks of experiences, of what we do with the sex we are. And of how we decide to share this and relate to each other.
Whether we like to do it a certain way, how we transmit this to our playmate. Not only in bed. Because the sex we do, under our definition, also encompasses tenderness, kisses, caresses, care....
Taking us out of what can be done exclusively with the genitals opens up a huge range of possibilities. That is why for us it is very important to emphasize these two terms as something broader.
Not so much as something to order us, but as something to understand, enjoy and share ourselves.
This blog post is part of long term collaboration between Bijoux Indiscrets and Somos Peculiares: Online platform for sex education
Somos Peculiares is a sex education platform based on three main pillars: disclosure, training and therapy. We focus our content on the sex we are rather than the sex we do, and we do it with a multidisciplinary approach. That is, we talk about emotions, relationships, identity, orientation, motherhood, sex, love, erotic peculiarities... We generate content both in social networks and with articles to work on disclosure, we go to educational and private centers to offer training and we accompany in their processes to those who decide to go to therapy. According to the needs of each group we adapt the content and training taking into account the vital phase in which people are, their age, their partners, their family, their links, their identity or their orientation.